Sunday, December 20, 2009

PLEASE, DON'T.

Go fuck yourself, Hollywood. We don't need this. Not like this. Please, not like this.

I mean, another Ghostbusters movie would be just fine, if it was awesome. None of these ideas are awesome. Bill Murray would be back as a ghost? "...a sort of Slimer character?" The baby from the second one's a ghostbuster now?

Bill Murray as a ghost is a terrible fucking idea. Actually, reviving old franchises in general is a terrible fucking idea, because it has never gone well. Die Hard 4 was fucking bad. Indiana Jones 4 was really fucking bad. Ghostbusters 3 will probably be pretty bad. I don't know how I could possibly trust this. This video pretty much sums up how disastrous Indiana Jones 4 was in comparison to the other movies:




I think the inherent problem with bringing back old movie franchises that were so awesome back when they came out is that they were genuine back then. They meant something. The audience would root for the hero to overcome his obstacles, get the girl, and save the day. For some reason, people just aren't capable of that anymore - everything has to have a wink to the camera, like Indy 4 addressing his age every five minutes. It's the same as a friend you really like trying to tell a long story, but he keeps being self-deprecating and apologizing for telling it in a shitty way - and, hey fuckhead, if you didn't spend so long apologizing about how you're telling the story, you wouldn't need to apologize about how you're telling the story. You'd just be telling the fucking story. Stop kicking your own ass.

Don't get me wrong, the film had way more problems than that (I'll recommend a damn fine explanation of its shittiness that my buddy Dan Luke wrote), but that was a pretty big issue that I've noticed in other career revivals, too. Half of the new Rocky movie was devoted to convincing us it'd be possible for a man his age to fight the young cocky new champion. I don't want to see a Bill Murray ghost as your way of sidestepping his fucking age. Old Bill Murray is more than worthy to put the proton pack back on. Think about it, that trailer films itself.

By now my blog's catchphrase is pretty much becoming "stop it," as I scold the film industry like a child, so I'll indulge myself one more time.

Hollywood, stop it. Stop it.

Please?

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