Thursday, October 08, 2009


So Adrien Brody's been cast as the lead in Predators, the remake of 1987's Predator with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Carl Weathers and Bill Duke and Jesse Ventura and all those other cinema badasses.

Let's recap the casting moves in the Predator franchise thus far, not counting those godawful movies where they fight the Aliens. The original Predator is a veritable showcase of manliness. Seriously, just watch the below clip. This is actually from the movie, and if it doesn't make you want to go lift weights, nothing ever will.

That's for real. That was Predator. Anyway, Arnold being one of only two survivors in that film (spoiler), they didn't really know what to do when he didn't want to come back for 1990's Predator 2. My personal theory about what happened next involves a rich studio producer with a whole lot of cocaine, because he decided that if he couldn't get Arnold, to hell with the movie badasses - and so, Predator 2 was headlined by Danny Glover, Bill Paxton, and Gary Busey.

Gary Fucking Busey.

And after that, the Predator franchise was basically dead, save for a few video games, comic books, and the aforementioned (horrible) cross-over movies. Until now. Robert Rodriguez, director of and Spy Kids and Once Upon a Time in Mexico is giving it a reboot. One could argue that today's movie badasses just aren't the same, and they'd be right, because Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson started doing kids movies too soon (Arnold had a shitload of great action movies under his belt before he made that move. The Rock's only decent one so far is The Rundown, and a lot of that has to do with Christopher Walken also being in it.) Anyway, I felt a Predator reboot was just a little unnecessary, because nothing so far can equal the pure testosterone that was the original. Watching the original will make any man want to strip naked to hunt and kill a savage animal with only his bare hands and his bloodlust.

And now they're rebooting it with Adrien Brody.

Alright, dude. You're a good actor and all. It's just that you'd better be pumping a shitload of iron already, because you've got a long way to go. Oh, and work on the roar. There's a reason this man runs California now.

(because that's all he has to do to win any political debate)